97 Percent of Audience Involved in Other Drama Production

Although fourth-year Steve Balik had maintained the stance that the posterior of his girlfriend “refuses to quit,” sources close to third-year Jenna Moran’s ass are reporting that it has in fact done just that. Sick of the daily grind of twerkin’ 9 to 5, the ass cracked before handing in its two-cheeks notice. Though Jenna’s ass often complained about being the butt of jokes at … Continue reading →

Immediately following last evening’s rephrasing of “introduced legislation to allot $38,000 in subsidies to Susquehanna County wind farms” to “spearheaded a collective legislative effort to develop effective energy solutions throughout the commonwealth,” it became painfully obvious that tax attorney and Pennsylvania Representative Todd Kilgore (D-Erie) had completely written his own Wikipedia page. Further evidence discovered by all six page visitors pointed at the fact that Kilgore’s picture was from 15 years ago, before he put on “post-election weight,” in addition … Continue reading →

The entire student populace of the University of Virginia has been breathing easy again as the vote on the Honor Committee’s proposal to reform the process of jury selection and informed retraction has united the student body behind “Yes” or “No,” with 100 percent of those polled having a strong opinion. “Man, I thought for … Continue reading →